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Sequel: Villains, Heros and Victims

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The latest hollywood blockbuster has just been released. A remake of Watergate, this time the plot is even more ludicrous, even more over the top. It's a gastly remake of an already bad movie.

The plot: Evil politicians hatch a plan to spy on everyone in the world, to protect their interests and become ultimate ruler! A single lone hero is the only man in the world with balls enough to face them in their plan for world domination.

Firstly lets take a look at the villain, at the top. What a ridiculous two dimensional caricature of a villain! She looks like she's been sucking lemons! Evil lemons! Evil lemons dipped in vinegar! Evil vinegar!

Look at the henchmen behind here! Frowning their all evil lemony stares. Couldn't they have gotten more subtle actors?

Then there's the script, is there a 11/10 rotten tomatoes I can award it? Because she spouts endless clique about fighting bad super villains and saving America. Not even a hint of irony. The super villain in this is some sort of mysterious mist, that's everywhere and nowhere... spooky.... and only they can save America, by breaking all the rules naturally.

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In the plot we're supposed to believe a single lone America, is the only person who had the guts to expose their evil plot. Really? A single American? Out of the hundreds of thousands who knew about it, one and only one American had the guts to expose them?

I'm all for suspending disbelief while watching movies, but there comes a point where the CGI effects just aren't enough to cover such a really bad plot. Americans view their rights and freedoms as the whole point of the fight! This movie asks us to believe that a few evil super villains can hijack a government for their own aims, that no politicians will complain, and everyone will go along with it, even though the plan means they need to keep 100% total secrecy?!?

Did these henchmen go home at night, "What did you do at work today honey?", "Aww nothing", "Aww Bob, you haven't been undermining American freedom again have you?", "well maybe just a little".

There's one scene in this plot where the evil bad guy is telling the other evil bad guys that of course they don't routinely spy on everyone. Well not willingly, only by accident, wink wink. You accidentally spend billions on huge data centers, accidentally connected those data centers to every major US telco and Internet company and accidentally hoover down everyone's data? You can see how insane this plot is! 97 billion illegal surveillance records just accidentally fell into my computers in March alone?! Whoops! Silly me!

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And the victim in this case, the bill of rights. Like so many victims, it runs, stumbles and it crushed by the bad guys. Why does the victim always fall and twist an ankle? How pathetic is that plot device!

Then there's the co-conspirators subplot. Microsoft, Google, Yahoo, Facebook, all continue to deny they're involved even as the President it admitting it and pointing the finger at Congress! So not only is everyone in power keeping all this illegal stuff secret, everyone in industry is too? Oh boy, the farmer growing evil lemons is a millionaire by now!

After an hour of this, it's clear they've run out of plot. A second villain comes along, one with a wild stare and really bad wig. He's like the damage control guy, attacking on retreat to save the villain for the next episode in this tiresome series. They're clearly setting up a sequel.

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It's difficult to imagine how the plot can go from there, they've already spied on everyone on the planet in part 2, In part 3 they'll have cameras in every home, and every mammal under watch, just in case, well, monkeys are clever! Who knows what evil plot they might miss they don't watch every monkey all of the time!

Watergate 2, is playing in every theater, home, school, office.

0/10, Unwatchable garbage. Implausible plot. Unbelievable villains.

Reviews of this sucky movie can be found here, here and here.

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